A little over 3 months from Surgery

Today I sit here and I am pondering the question "Why am I not enough".  I have not been struggling to bad with the emotional ups and downs but today it is kinda working on me.  As I evaluate my life and the recent events of the surgery and relationships it just makes me wonder why have I never been good enough.  I've always been too mean, or too competitive, or too fat, or too hard on myself.  But then I sit and think why am I this way.  And the only answer I come up with is that I am not enough.  I'm not good enough to be Number 1 to my husband, I'm not a good enough Mom, I don't make enough money, I don't have enough time to make everyone happy, My house is too "lived in", I'm too fat, and I can't be someone's Number 1.  Oh sure, I have friends and I'm losing weight and I have been someone's Number 2 or Number 3 but in a world where you just want to be loved and cared for by that one special person (and by yourself as well) I can't seem to be enough for anyone.  So why am I talking about this here?  Well, it's my dang hormones.  They fluctuate faster than a roller coaster at Great America.  Since my surgery I have had some good highs and some bad lows and some good level days.  I have also noticed that my periods are heavier than they have ever been.  So I did some research.  This seems like a very common thing.  In fact, all of the emotions are normal as well.  What I have found is that our fat stores extra hormones and when we are losing weight so rapidly there is an influx of extra hormones in our bodies from the shed fat.  Let me tell you, this is not as much fun as the earlier mentioned roller coaster!  I am handling it though.  I am sure this will calm down soon and I will be back to normal (whatever that is).

On the plus side, I am finally down to 235 which means I can finally ride a Segway!!!!  It may sound silly but I have wanted to ride one of these for a long time.  There is a Groupon right now for a Segway tour of Chicago.  I think I'm going to do it when the weather gets a little nicer.

Food is still a struggle.  It's not the eating part, its the portion size.  I'm still working on it.  And yes, My dogs faithfully sit by my feet to eat my leftovers.  I also miss crunchy stuff.  Is that weird?
Anyway, Have a great week.  I will talk to you all soon..